‘Dear Young Monster’: the debut show from Bristol trans writer and actor Pete MacHale

Pete MacHale is a Bristol writer and actor who is passionate about making and sharing stories of otherness, identity, and the queer experience.

He is also featuring in the latest series of Doctor Who, and is the first trans man to appear in the show.

Commissioned by Bristol Old Vic’s new writing strand, his debut solo show Dear Young Monster will be opening at The Weston Studio on February 22 for a 13-date run.

The semi-autobiographical narrative follows a young trans man coming to terms with his identity during the early stages of medical transition, who returns to the town in which he grew up.

His friends are away, the locals are becoming increasingly hostile, his body is transforming before his very eyes into someone he doesn’t quite recognise yet and it’s all becoming too much… Until he catches a midnight screening of Frankenstein.

At last, when he looks into the monsters big, dead, sad eyes, staring down at him from the screen, he feels seen.

The show notes characterise MacHale’s achievement as “a tumultuous exploration of gender euphoria and dysphoria, discovering what can happen when you embrace being the monster the world is telling you that you are”.

The production is supported by a creative team of trans theatre makers who want to spotlight the trans experience in an uplifting way.

Pete MacHale – photo: Bristol Old Vic

MacHale told Bristol24/7 about the origins, and impact, of Dear Young Monster:

Growing up as a young trans person, how often did you get to see your experience reflected within culture?

“I mean… I didn’t really. I think I often ended up looking for myself in other places because trans stories just weren’t readily available.

“My friends and I often crack jokes about random TV characters being Trans. It’s pretty normal to identify characters who maybe share a random stereotypical trait or have a certain brand of self expression and calling it ‘Trans coded’, which I feel comes from a lack of legitimate representation.

“I can remember there being a real shift when I was in my late teens, of starting to see a smattering of minor or guest star Trans characters here and there in American shows. Laverne Cox appearing on Orange Is The New Black comes to mind as a really notable moment. But something that reflected my specific experience was really hard to come across, and harder still to find something that wasn’t completely bleak.

“My first ever introduction to the idea of being able to transition to Male was a clip from Boys Don’t Cry – a film based on the real life murder of young Trans man Brandon Teena. I saw that when I was about 11 and I think that really impacted me. My first ever understanding of Trans Masculinity was performed by a Cis woman and was coloured by extremely graphic violence. It’s easy to draw the line from that to the internalised feelings of fear and self hatred that I felt in my younger years.”

For you, what is the power and impact of sharing queer stories?

I think it can go a long way in influencing how you understand your place in the world; who you are; how others might feel about you. As a young Queer, specifically Trans person, it’s so easy to fall victim to the idea that the world is against you, and I wonder if I had seen more joyful and nuanced portrayals of Transness at a young age, it would have allowed me to feel safer in expressing and sharing my feelings around wanting to transition more comfortably.

“Something that is actually explored in the show is that when we don’t see ourselves in stories immediately around us, we seek out connections to stories and characters in a more abstract way. That can sometimes be really creative, weird and wonderful!

“For where I’m at in my life today, the power and impact is in the sharing, rather than the seeing. I love to experience Trans people being able to share their stories, real or fiction, about Transness, explicitly or not. It’s a joy to see Trans people given the chance to express themselves and their ideas through all different mediums, characters and stories and see where parts of ourselves overlap but also where they beautifully diverge. Our community is expansive. Trying to pin Transness to one single experience is really far away from what I understand Transness to be.”

What were the origins of Dear Young Monster?

“It began as a 10-minute monologue in a now closed Queer basement bar in London (GET IN THE HOUSE event, run at the time by The Queer House). Originally, it  was a base expression of frustration over not feeling like I could adequately express what it felt like to be Trans. I picked three moments of my lived experience and wrote them costumed-up as three iconic horror movie monsters.

“There’s a long and deeply explored theory of The Monster as The Other, and so much opportunity for Queer readings in horror. Frankenstein, Dracula, and The Wolf Man are so visually iconic that it just felt really obvious they’d be great vehicles for evocative storytelling.

“It has changed a lot since then but I think those three original scenes are all still present in some way in the final draft!”

Given the narrative is semi-autographical, what was your emotional relationship to the writing process?

“The actual experience of writing has of course been deeply personal. It has allowed me to learn things about myself each time I have returned to rewrite it. Each time I come back to a version of the story, however many weeks or months have passed, I’ve questioned ‘why did I write this, what does that mean about the way I see myself and my identity? What was I trying to say, what have I learnt, what is it now teaching me?’ The fact that the story has grown and changed and now reflects my experience of growing into myself over the last five years is very cool to think about.

“At the same time, all that growth and rewriting means that at this point the story is totally fictional. I’m not sure I’d even call it autobiographical any more, rather a piece of work that has its roots in, and flavour coming from, my lived experiences. The character may have been me at some point but he is certainly his own person now, my very own Dear Young Monster (hah).”

Pete MacHale – photo: Bristol Old Vic

To what extent do you feel a shift towards greater representation of trans actors and writers today? How do we shift that dial further?

“It’s hard to say, because on a small scale I definitely try to surround myself with and uplift other trans creatives, so I feel like I see them everywhere! I am starting to see friends and people I admire break through and gain the successes I’ve seen them strive for which is really exciting.

“We’re definitely worming our way through the industry all over, fringe, regional, tv and film: Kenya Sterling, Mary Malone, Sukey Willis, Danielle James, Ash Self, Macy-Jacob Seelochan – all talented up-and-coming performers who I think people should be watching for the future, along with countless others. It’s exciting as well to see Queer and Trans people and their work on stages at huge places like The RSC and The Globe. A friend who was involved in the early stages of Dear Young Monster, Yasser Zadeh, was recently on stage at The National! So the reach is happening.

“I think what’s critical now is to expand the idea of representation. We’ve focused a lot on the literal, visual aspect of seeing someone on stage but I want more people all throughout the industry. I want to be in a show written by a Trans person, directed by a Trans person, I want my costume made by a Trans person who knows how it might feel to have a costume made for a body that has experiences of dysphoria. I want my make-up done on set by a Trans person who knows how transformative yet potentially uncomfortable makeup can be for us specifically. I want to be framed up by a Trans director of photography who knows what it means to be in a room full of Cis people who are all looking at you. It takes a village to make art – stories are told and work is made by every single person in the production.

“I want Trans people to be thriving in all roles, adding their specific and beautiful experience to the art at every step of the way. I think it truly does make a difference to feel the influence of even one other Trans person in the room. Dear Young Monster was specifically built around having a majority Trans and Queer team of amazing creatives and it’s been so special to get the chance to work with them all.”

Who would you like to see coming to see the show, and what do you hope they might take away from it?

“Of course, I would love for members of the Trans community to come and see it and know that it’s from us and for us. But I also truly feel like there’s something to take away in the story for anyone. Yes, it’s about a Trans guy, but it’s also someone dealing with loneliness. It’s someone dealing with questions of identity and masculinity, someone trying to hold a friendship together, someone who is scared and lost at a turning point in his life. It’s a story of obsession and discomfort and trying to figure out who (or what) you are.

“I really hope there’s something for all audiences! (Though maybe not young people who shouldn’t hear swearing yet, there’s a bit of swearing.) Come and see it, I’d love to know what you take away, I hope it’s something I hadn’t even thought of and then we can talk about it.”

Dear Young Monster is at The Weston Studio, Bristol Old Vic on February 22-March 9 at 8pm. Tickets are available at www.bristololdvic.org.uk.

Main photo: Robert Gershinson

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