Preview: Shaedates, Wardrobe Theatre

Director Toby Hulse (War Game) and composer Jack Drewry (The Hours Before We Wake) join forces with performer Shaelee Rooke in Shaedates: Or How I Learned to Love Myself, this tender, surreal and wildly imaginative comedy about a woman who finds love through dating herself. Blending comedy, clowning, and original music with Shaelee’s own experience, the show has been likened to elements of comedian Katherine Ryan, performer Stuart Bowden and surreal sitcom The Mighty Boosh.

Shaelee is also a member of the Wardrobe Theatre’s long-running improvised soap opera Closer Each Day. Shaedates was developed through Bristol Old Vic’s Ferment artist development programme. Here are Shaelee and Toby to tell us more.

So, how did you start out dating yourself? 
Shae: Well, it’s cheaper for a start! And you don’t ever have to share your dessert! But it takes a bit of getting used to. For me, it sort of happened by accident. Last year, my husband got a job in London with long working hours, so I found myself in a new city with a lot of ‘me time’. While he was at work, I’d take myself out on all the dates we would have gone on together.

And how did that feel?
Shae: The first few dates with myself were uncomfortable. I worried what other people were thinking; sometimes people would look at me in pity. They didn’t understand why I was going out on my own, if not to be taken home by somebody else. When I told them I was happily married, they laughed as if I was lying, as if my behaviour was not that of someone in a happy relationship…
After a while, these things stopped bothering me and I began to enjoy my own company. I looked forward to my ‘Shaedates’ – they were like ‘treat yo’self days’ (shout out to Parks and Recreation fans). It’s hard not to sound uber-spiritual when talking about this sort of stuff, but I felt more in tune with myself – more ‘present’. And not just when I was on a date with myself, but just in life.

Do you feel it’s something more people might turn to in today’s busy, fractured, everyone-hiding-behind-their-phones society?
Toby: It’s an interesting question, and one that we look at in the show. In true romcom style, Shae starts the play in the wrong relationship, a relationship that is conducted entirely by text messages. She believes she’s happy with this – her boyfriend is always with her, in her pocket, and his heart is in the right place, even if he never is. And relationships like this are not just something that we have dreamed up: people actually have them, and get a lot from them.
I think that what we have learned recently, in the last general election and in the EU referendum, is that social media acts as an echo chamber. The same algorithms that enable Facebook to target advertising at us also ensure that we only see posts that reflect our own opinion. The echo chamber of social media is, in itself, an enormous act of self-love and, as we become more familiar with it, and get more satisfaction from it, it only seems a short distance to the more liberating step of self-dating.
Shae: Yeah, why not? Not so long ago, society was sceptical about ‘internet dating’ – but now it is accepted as a necessary means to meet people, to develop a relationship and, you know, find happiness. And it is. I just feel like people spend a lot of time searching for someone else to make them happy when really it starts with yourself. Maybe in time, self-dating will be met with the same open-minded reception…

“In the media and beyond self-love is often mocked” – why, do you think? And in what ways are they getting it wrong?
Toby: The concept of self-love preys upon some of our deepest prejudices in a society still haunted by the Victorians. It conjures up ideas of ‘Eastern philosopy’ and ‘hippy’. It acknowledges that our upper lips are not always stiff. It feels self-obsessed or narcissistic. And, of course, as we found when we were creating the show, the spectre of masturbation is never far away, with an accompanying schoolboy snigger.
But, surely, the ability to look after yourself, to accept yourself, honestly, for who you are, to enjoy spending time in your own company (without a smartphone to flick through), are all abilities which point towards good mental health and happiness. Which makes the show sound deeply philosophical, psychological and socially pointed. It is, of course, all of these things at some level, but it’s also a collection of daft gags housed in a surreal story…
Shae: There’s a definite distinction between narcissism and self-love. To me, self-love is self-respect, self-care, self-acceptance. Narcissism is extreme self-adoration or self-centredness. We get it wrong we when talk about these two things as if they are part of a continuum. Shaedates doesn’t shy away from the more ridiculous aspects of self-love (when Shae meets herself, conversation flows easily) – it pushes these absurdities to their extreme, giving the play a surreal flavour while also trumpeting an important message. But no matter how hard she falls in love with herself, Shae (the character) is never narcissistic.

“Mindfulness has never been so funny” – what is ‘mindfulness’, and how is this story an example of that?
Toby: There’s a ‘mindfulness’ app isn’t there? Every time we make something up for the show, ‘real’ life is at least as surreal. As well as being a romcom, Shaedates is about understanding who you are, where you are, and what is happening in that moment. Before finding true love with herself, Shae finds herself constantly trying to reimagine the moments she is in, and to make them fit some idealised version of her life. It’s only when she finally accepts her present situation – that she is alone, and it’s OK because she is with herself – that she finds happiness.
Again, this sounds terribly meaningful, and I guess it is, but it’s rich material for humour – particularly in a one-woman show in which the audience are explicitly present. Shae (the performer) is acutely aware of the situation she is in, as she tells the story of Shae (the character) and her relationship with Shae (the love of her life)!
Shae: At the beginning of the play, Shae is completely unaware of who she is. She’s sticking it out in the wrong relationship so as to avoid being alone. She’s never really ‘present’, spending most of her time trying to trick herself and others into thinking that she’s happy. But then she ‘meets herself’ – and it’s like waking up. From then on, we watch her learn to live in the moment, gaining an awareness and an acceptance for her true thoughts and feelings. Essentially, she learns the trait of mindfulness and we get to see how her life changes for the better…

Shaedates: Or How I Learned to Love Myself is at the Wardrobe Theatre from Monday, July 18 to Tuesday, July 19. For more info and to book tickets, visit www.thewardrobetheatre.com/livetheatre/shaedates-or-how-i-learned-to-love-myself