Don’t Tell Your Mother celebrates 10th birthday

On August 3, just five minutes away from where rioters were spreading hate and violence, drag performers took to the stage and spread messages of joy and love.

They were performing at the Phoenix, marking the 10th birthday of one Bristol’s longest running and most beloved queer nights – Don’t Tell Your Mother (DTYM).

Founders Chris Morgan and Lloyd Urquhart originally met at another club night called Wonky. But, when Wonky closed down, the two realised there was a gap in the market and joined forces with Nic Davies to create DTYM.

They hosted their first DTYM event at the Phoenix in 2014 and sold out the venue. Chris said: “One of the things at that first party which someone said, was it felt like a kitchen at a party. That sociable place that you go to get a drink, and end up there for hours chatting to people.”

 

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A post shared by DTYM (@clubdtym)

The Phoenix has supported DTYM boundlessly throughout the past decade. When the event organisers thought to have a day party to celebrate their 10th birthday, Phoenix worked with them to make it happen.

“It’s not just about the attendees on the night. It’s about everyone involved, and the vibe we’re all creating together. The staff are amazing, our security – Jardine Miles – is an amazing face, setting the tone for the night,” said Chris.

DTYM used to have regular events at Old Market Assembly featuring drag performers.

After the success of their 10th birthday party, they are thinking of bringing these back.

“We weren’t sure if Phoenix was a great performer space, but now we know it is. Our audience is lovely, we always sell out our events. So it’s nice to say to performers that they will be exposed to a large audience,” said Chris.

Chris during the DTYM 10th birthday celebrations at Phoenix – photo: William McLeod

At their 10th birthday event, featured drag performers included Yugi – who won Jessica Jungle’s ‘I’m Gonna Be A Star’ competition – Vaccine, Razzle, Boohoo and Annette Curtains (Tom Marshman).

Performances ranged from ballads to a high-camp rendition of Mr. Cellophane from Chicago.

DTYM events always involve an element of kitsch, with their posters designed by Nic Davies, often featuring camp pop culture icons like Sally Field from Mrs. Doubtfire.

There will often be a TV by the DJ booth, playing iconic queer films like Death Becomes Her and Legally Blonde.

Occasionally, the music will synchronise with the film and Reese Witherspoon will be getting out of her pink car and putting her sunglasses on while a song like Let Me Think About It by Ida Corr will be playing.

DTYM has featured many performers over the years, and it’s something they’re looking to do more of – photo: Natasha Davies-Walke

Chris is very proud of what DTYM has become.

He said: “In some respects, there’s a feeling there’s no need for queer spaces anymore. Queerness, especially in Bristol, is a very fluid thing. Events are more integrated, boundaries are more loose.”

Recently, DTYM introduced new house rules to ensure all attendees feel comfortable being who they are and dressing how they like.

DTYM organisers, Chris Morgan and Nic Davies, at a fundraiser for Brigstowe – photo: Luis Cruz

Over the years, DTYM has become a hallmark of the city’s queer community.

They’ve run several fundraising events, including their World Aids Day fundraiser in 2018 which united other queer collectives in the city – like Kiki Bristol, Horseplay and Bitch, Please! – to raise money for local HIV support charity Brigstowe.

When it was announced there would be “racists” in Castle Park on the day of their birthday event, DTYM organisers considered cancelling but ultimately decided against it.

“We didn’t want to cower, we wanted to be strong. We were ready to be a wall of safety if needed. Security was doubled, we were on the Cabot Circus radio system, staff and security were briefed. We wanted to continue to spread joy,” Chris said.

Performer Vaccine at the DTYM 10th Birthday – photo: William McLeod

DTYM is well known for its friendly atmosphere. Chris told Bristol24/7: “A big reason people love the night is that there’s no expectations on you, people are open. If you don’t know anyone, someone will probably catch your eye.

“If you’re feeling nervous, chat with our door person, or myself, or Nic, we’ll be at the DJ booth. You’ll ease into the relaxed, sociable vibe. The bar staff are lovely too, and happy to be a welcoming face.”

He continued: “When we do bigger events, like our 10th birthday, we had so many people tell us how proud we should be. But, I said to people, it’s them, it’s the audiences, that make it what it is. We hold the space, and had the idea, but everybody came and filled it with love. That’s what makes Don’t Tell Your Mother what it is.”

Don’t Tell Your Mother runs the first Saturday of every month at Phoenix. More information can be found by following their Instagram or Facebook pages.

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