Features / Bristicles
25 things not to say at a Massive Attack gig
1. “Do you think they’ll play Glory Box?”
2. “I would love to see these guys at Colston Hall.”
3. “So, erm, who actually writes the songs?”
is needed now More than ever
4. “Is Tricky still in Massive Attack?”
5. “Which one’s 3G?”
6. “Personally I always preferred Morcheeba.”
7. “Up the Gas!”
8. “Do you think they know Banksy?”
9. “If he’s Big Daddy, which one’s Giant Haystacks?”
10. “I bet they still haven’t finished their Sympathy. Bloody lazy Bristolians.”
11. “This is kind of alright, but when are Primal Scream coming back on?”
12. “Isn’t it weird that they won’t play Colston Hall because of slavery links but they’ll play the Downs which is owned by the Merchant Venturers?”
13. “Anyone seen my bottle of merlot and inflatable coffee table?”
14. “Massive Attack? Ooh, I LOVED Britpop.”
15. “He must be Grandaddy G by now, surely.”
16. “I’m glad to see those ticket prices kept the riff-raff out.”
17. “If Massive’re playing a gig here does it mean we’re officially a war zone?”
18. G’s in the Merchant Venturers now, you know – that’s how they got the gig on the Downs.”
19. “You know they’re only doing this cos they didn’t make any money off Bittersweet Symphony?”
20. “I know Rob de la Rocha pretty well. He’s the main guy.”
21. “I beat the parking ban by using some rich guy’s driveway in Stoke Bishop; I have it on reliable authority that he’ll be out tonight.”
22. “You know they’re doing a secret headline set at Valley Fest, don’t you?”
23. “Didn’t he used to be in the Munch Bunch?”
24. “Do you think they’re gonna play White Lines?”
25. “… and weren’t they a scream!”
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